


Let The Sun Rain Down On Me

by trinipedia



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: AU, Camille - Freeform, Challenge Response, Community: spn_meanttobe, Fanfiction, J2AU, M/M, Slash, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-15
Updated: 2011-10-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 07:19:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9311261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trinipedia/pseuds/trinipedia
Summary: Jensen Ackles is a moody petty-thief. He marries his parole officer's nephew, believing that he can use the honeymoon to escape to Canada. Jared Padalecki is the sweetest guy you can ever hope to meet. He truly believes that Niagara Falls will change Jensen for the better and won't let anything stop the honeymoon...not even his own death.





	1. Part One: I'd pay to see you frown

**Author's Note:**

> **Artist Name:** the ever adorable [](http://theblackrose16.livejournal.com/profile)[theblackrose16](http://theblackrose16.livejournal.com/)
> 
>  **Beta:** [](http://tygermine.livejournal.com/profile)[tygermine](http://tygermine.livejournal.com/)
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** Not mine in any way, shape or form. Based on the movie "Camille", so if there's anything you think you recognize, I probably didn't write it. Fic title and chapters' titles all from "The ballad of Mona Lisa" by Panic!At the Disco. Written for the [](http://spn-meanttobe.livejournal.com/profile)[spn_meanttobe](http://spn-meanttobe.livejournal.com/) challenge.
> 
>  **Prompt:** _#33 The Angel and the Outlaw_  
>  He wants her as his bride, but the law wants him! No one asks the dark, brooding stranger about his past. People gossip, but daren't question. He and his young daughter live alone--and that's the way Stuart Taylor wants...needs it to stay. When the spirited new schoolteacher, Rachel Houston, is touched by Stuart's shy little girl, who's never uttered a word, everything starts to change. Stuart's surly manner doesn't worry Rachel--she can see the vulnerability hidden in the depths of his blue eyes. She's convinced there's more to the rugged, handsome stranger's story. But when the truth comes out, has Rachel the courage to stand by her man?

  
The first time Jensen saw Jared, they were kids.  
Jensen was barely 10, and he remembered that day perfectly: it was his birthday, and his father was being taken away in a police car.  
Sitting shotgun next to the man who was the reason why Jensen was being left alone, a kid, not more than 6, probably, who kept beaming at him and flailing his too long arms in greeting.  
Jensen had snot running from his nose, and his eyes were red and puffy.  
He was not crying, because he was dad's little man and men don't cry, but it was taking all of his efforts not to break and just beg the bad cop to let his daddy go.  
He knew, somewhere in his kid's brain, that his was not the best dad in the world; he did do things he shouldn't have, sometimes, but he was all Jensen had and without him, who knew what was gonna happen.  
The kid in the patrol car, however, seemed blissfully oblivious of Jensen's distraught, and kept trying to talk to him despite the fact that he was inside the car and there was therefore no way Jensen could have heard him.  
Jensen could just see the huge mouth moving, but he couldn't be less bothered by what the kid wanted to say.  
He was evil, just like the cop he came with, and Jensen hated him so fiercely, his little body swayed under the strength of the feeling.  
That was never, ever going to change, and someday? Someday that kid was going to pay.

 

  
Police officer Jim Beaver looked up from the papers on his desk and groaned.  
"You do realize that I had to beg for weeks to get you that job, don't you, Jensen?"  
Jensen shrugged.  
"Man's an ass," he muttered.  
Jim shook his head.  
"Yeah, okay, maybe he is," he conceded. "But he was the only one willing to give you a chance. With your record? That's sort of admirable."  
Jensen bit his thumb, his gaze wandering outside the open window, and Jim just sighed.  
"You gotta change, Jensen," he said. "Be more serious and dependable, you know? You're about to get married to my younger nephew, joining our family."  
Jensen cringed inwardly.  
He so didn't want to think about it right then, or ever, for all that mattered.  
"You must have something good, if he loves you so much," Jim continued. "So I believe that you're a decent guy, underneath all the bullshit and the bravado, very deep down inside, but you should start asking yourself what is it that we are all seeing on the outside."  
The man offered him a small smile, and Jensen thought he was going to puke all over his battered Timberlands.  
"Is not fair to Jared. Think about what people say behind his back."  
"He's a fucking Gigantor, it's not like he needs to be protected," Jensen retorted, his jaw clenched, and for a moment it looked like Jim was going to snap at him, but as it had come, it went, and the man waved a hand dismissively.  
"We'll work on it," he said in the end. "We have all our lives for it."  
Jensen pinched the bridge of his nose and was about to stand up, but Jim stopped him.  
"I don't suppose you got the ring, right? Because that would be part of that being dependable thing..."  
"He will have his ring," Jensen interrupted him. "Stop fussing about this. He's not a chick."  
"He still has feelings," Jim said. "You know how sensitive he is."  
  
This time, Jensen just stormed up and out, because another word from that man and he'd have bashed his face against one of his shiny trophies.  
Jared had his fucking ring, and if he bought it himself because Jensen told him to do so if he wanted one so badly, that was none of Jim's business.

 

  
"I was thinking that I don't want a fake wedding," Jared said, as they were all sitting under the porch after lunch. "I want a real, legal one."  
Jim threw a side glance at his wife.  
"And what about our honeymoon?" Jared went on. "We could go the Niagara falls!”  
  
He forced a pamphlet in Jensen's hand, nodding to himself as he walked around the table and did the same with his uncle and aunt.  
  
"Just think about it, Jen! 6 million cubic feet of water going over the edge every minute, 170 feet straight down! Did you know that?"  
  
Jensen lit a cigarette, and smiled weakly at him, not even attempting to get a word in.  
  
When Jared took a decision, there was no way anyone else could have any say in it.  
Jensen's eyes shifted, nervously, as Jared kept chirping away at how awesome the place was going to be.  
  
"We already talked about this, Jay," Jim attempted, a pleading look on his face. "Why do you keep bringing this up?"  
  
Jared pouted, and really, he was almost 28 years old, when was he going to understand that he was getting too old to pull that shit off?  
  
"Niagara falls is the place for lovers" he whined, and Jim glared at him. "You know that's not what I mean."  
  
"Jensen has served his debt to society already" Jared snapped, slamming a fist on the table. "When are you going to let it go?"  
Jensen arched an eyebrow, daring him to contradict Jared, and Jim groaned.  
  
"I didn't-Jay, he's on parole! He can't leave the state, you know that."  
Jared huffed.  
  
"Why? Because the state and the law say so? You're a man of the law, I'm sure there's something you can do."  
  
Jensen snorted, badly trying to disguise it as a cough, earning Jim’s narrowed expression.  
  
"Or even better, it can be a secret," Jared suggested, lowering his voice. "If no one knows, no one will get in trouble, and it's gonna be even more fun that way."  
  
Jim tried to stutter something else, but Jared lifted a hand, effectively shutting him up.  
  
"I want to go to Canada, and I want to marry Jensen there, in a church, in front of God and everyone else," he said, softly. "And I want to see the Niagara Falls with him. That's what people do and where they go when they're in love, Jim. That's the only law I respect and care about."  
  
"I think I'm gonna be sick," Jensen growled, and Jim lowered his head, defeated, as Jared and his aunt squeed in delight.

 

  
Jared snapped another picture, as his aunt Samantha did his tie, his grin so wide it threatened to split his face in two.  
"You look so beautiful, baby," Samantha said, her eyes filled with tears. "Do you want me to keep the camera?"  
Jared hugged her, shaking his head.  
"I'm going to remember today forever, just as it was," he explained. "The way I look, the way I feel...I always wanted for it to be this good, and I have to document every second of it."  
As the flash went off once more, he couldn't help wondering how Jensen was feeling.  
Surely he was all excited and nervous at the same time, trying to force himself to wait and not just storming in the room to grab Jared and take him away.  
Jared chuckled.  
Jensen had always been sort of a hot head.

 

  
Jensen's stomach flipped again, and he retched some more, nothing but bile left in it.  
He grabbed the porcelain with both his shaky hands, so tight his knuckles went white, and coughed with his head bent low.  
Jim opened the door and grimaced at the display.  
"Don't you dare screw this up, Jensen," he growled warningly, before grabbing his arm and pulling him up.  
"You are happy, aren't you? Everyone is happy, 'cause today you get married to the love of your life," he hissed, as he forced Jensen head under the tap.  
"Fuck you," Jensen snapped at him. "Today is just pretending for family and friends. Nothing's permanent yet."  
"It better be," Jim retorted.

 

  
"Do you, Jensen, take this man, Jared, to be your lawfully wedded husband to love and honor in sickness and health, in loving holy matrimony till death do you part?"  
Jensen was sweating so much that the back of his shirt was drenched, and clung at his back like a second skin.  
Jared was staring at him with his big dewy eyes, expectantly, as he bounced on his feet.  
Jensen swallowed, hard, and it felt like his tongue was made of clay.  
He looked at Jared, and was only able to see all those things of him he couldn't stand, and couldn't say that one single word.  
It's just pretending, he told himself. It's not real.  
Jared's blinding smile shifted, as the silence extended uncomfortably.  
"It's your turn, Tiger, you can do it," he encouraged Jensen, leaning towards him, as the priest (was the priest fake too?) arched an eyebrow, confused.  
"Do you need to hear it again? I can repeat the question, if you want me to."  
"That won't be necessary," Jared stated, turning his slightly exasperated gaze on Jensen again.  
"You only have to say yes, Jen. Say it and we can all go home," he said, trying to ease the tension, but Jensen could still feel everyone's eyes on him and bit his cheek to ground himself.  
"Yeah, yeah, of course. Yes," he muttered, and Jared threw his arms around his neck, kissing him.  
If he noticed the sour taste of Jensen's mouth, he didn't show it, and Jensen got a flash in the face right before the room broke into applause.  
It felt like all the guests were slapping him in the face.

 

  
Right outside the building, before moving to Jared's backyard for the party, Jared suddenly stopped dead in his tracks.  
"Oh, no," he murmured. "There's no rice. I forgot about it."  
Jensen rolled his eyes.  
"Oh, please. This was a mock wedding, it doesn't matter."  
Jared grabbed his sleeve, biting his lower lip in concern.  
"Jensen, the rice brings good luck! We have to throw it, or we-"  
"It's all right, Jay," Jim cut in "It's gonna be fine without rice, I promise."  
Jared didn't look convinced, but Jensen pulled at his arm and he meekly followed him, with a smile slightly less bright than before.

 

  
Jared was out in the garden, dancing to some sort of silly music and looking even dorkier than he usually did, and Jensen walked inside, taking another long pull at the bottle of Jack he managed to steal from Jim's cabinet.  
He stumbled towards the pile of wedding gifts, but before he could open the first one he was approached by the (fake?) priest.  
"Congratulations," he said, patting Jensen's shoulder.  
"Shouldn't you be outside, dancing with your brand new husband?"  
Jensen made a face.  
"He's doing a bang up job at embarrassing himself, I'm not going to be a part of that," he replied, and the man looked taken aback.  
"There's no embarrassment, it's your wedding day today," he pointed out.  
Jensen shrugged.  
"Then I just don't wanna dance with him," he muttered. "In fact, I don't want to do anything with him. Sometimes, like today, I just feel like I wanna punch him in the face and wipe away that ridiculous smile of his once and for all."  
The priest's hand fell from Jensen's shoulder.  
"I don't know what to say," he replied, after a while, and Jensen snorted bitterly.  
"Tell me about it!" He exclaimed, throwing his hands up. "That guy's a fucking machine. Once he starts talking, there's no way, no way he's gonna let you say anything. That's all he does: talk, talk, talk, talk! He should try to use his damn mouth for something more useful from time to time."  
The man blinked.  
"Why in the world did you marry him, then?" he asked, confused, but before Jensen could underline once again that it had not been real, Jim appeared on the threshold.  
"I need a word with you, Jensen," he said, and the man just nodded and walked away, hurriedly.  
Jensen didn't blame him.

 

  
Jim guided Jensen to his study, and once they were there he crossed his arms on his chest and studied the younger man with an assessing, disapproving glance.  
"You still haven't realized how lucky you are," he stated. "That boy trusts you completely, only God knows why."  
Jensen bit his lower lip, but didn't say anything, mainly because Jim was right.  
Jared thought so highly of Jensen that it was suffocating, sometimes, like everything he did was never going to be enough to match Jared's expectations; and still, Jared never complained.  
"Even that thing you said about hitting him? He'd let you, and you know that," Jim added, his expression unreadable. "If you asked him, he'd let you. He's willing to do basically anything for you."  
"Except shut up," Jensen blurted out before he could stop himself, and he saw Jim clenching his jaw, right before he punched Jensen in the stomach with all his strength, sending him straight on the floor, struggling to breathe.  
"Every marriage has problems," he hissed. "And if yours happens to have them in the first couple of hours instead of the first couple of years, well. I'm sure you're gonna work through it."  
Jensen narrowed his eyes.  
"And if I don't?" he spat, challengingly, even if he already knew the answer.  
Jim cradled the hand he had used to hit Jensen in the other.  
"If you don't, you go straight back to prison," he replied. "It will be your third time, and you'll never come out again. Think about it."  
As he walked away, Jensen hid his face in his hands, wondering what difference between this prison and Jim’s prison is.

 

  
When Jensen saw the bike parked outside on the porch he frowned.  
"What is that?" he asked, and Jim smirked.  
"So you can be cozier on the road," he replied, and oh, Jensen hated him so fucking much.  
Of course Jared was delighted.  
"I can hold you tight," he murmured, only for Jensen's ears, and he cringed inwardly as Jared moved to say goodbye to all his family and friends.  
Jim came closer and handed Jensen his helmet: there were tiger ears and a little tail glued on it.  
"Be good. Both of you," he growled. "That's my little nephew you have there, and if anything happens to him there's no place you will be able to hide from me."  
  
Jensen shivered, but pretended to be otherwise unaffected while he turned his back on the man and made the engine roar to life.  
It was going to be such a long trip, for sure, but Jensen wasn't sure if he dreaded more the alone time with Jared or the idea of coming back to the rest of them.  
If everything went according to plan, he wouldn't have had to suffer to either of those scenarios.

 

  
They stopped for gas at an old, lost in the desert station.  
The bar was packed with lazy patrons, and they all looked surprised at Jared when he stormed inside asking for a bathroom in his loud, friendly voice.  
"We've been on the road all morning, since we left our wedding party and my bladder's gonna explode if I don't let it all out," he explained, bouncing on his heels and grinning openly, like he didn't have a care in the world. "I told Jensen I couldn't hold it forever, you know? So he finally accepted to stop, the stingy bastard."  
  
The waitress chuckled at his affectionate tone, followed by a couple of construction workers sitting at the counter and just like that the tension was gone.  
The girl explained to Jared where the bathroom was, shushing him when he thanked her warmly.  
That was just how Jared was: people were drawn to him, without even knowing why, and it was impossible not to like him.  
The waitress looked outside the window and thought that the guy fuelling the bike was a very blessed man.

 

  
Jensen's expression when he entered the bar was anything but blessed.  
"Tiger! Come over here, I made friends!"  
Jared waved at him from a table he was sharing with some bikers, who were looking curiously over the brochures of their honeymoon trip.  
"Jensen was supposed to still be in jail, but coming out, asking me to marry him and then coming through with all the planning and such was seen as good behavior, so they let him out earlier," Jared was explaining. "Even uncle Jim had to admit it."  
Jensen narrowed his eyes.  
  
"Why did you have to tell them that?" he snarled, and Jared arched an eyebrow.  
  
"Because it's true, man. You changed, you became a better man for me and I'm not ashamed of your past."  
Jensen clenched his jaw.  
  
"Jared..." he started, his voice lowering dangerously, but Jared just kept going, explaining how much he liked for Jensen to be the wild one, between them.  
  
"You've seen the world, you got so much more experience than I do, and still you're here with me, now."  
  
He launched into a retelling of their visitation time, when they were still pretending to be just friends.  
  
"That orange jumpsuit made him look so hot," Jared added, sighing dreamily. "Even the guards said we should be a couple considering all the time we spent together. We've known each other since I was six."  
  
One of the bikers snorted, but Jensen's glare made the laughter die in his throat.  
"Let's move" Jensen ordered, sternly, sitting at a farther table, and Jared shrugged, standing up.  
  
"He likes to play the rebel, so I let him," he murmurs, conspiratorially. "I don't even think he digs smoking, you know? But he thinks it makes him look manlier, so..."  
  
"Jared!" Jensen called out, and Jared offered the bikers an apologetic smile and went to join Jensen.

 

  
"I never thought bikers would be so accepting" Jared said, grinning. "Maybe we just got lucky, uh?"  
Jensen pulled a long drag from his cigarette, before putting it out, he lifted his cold stare on Jared.  
"Why did you go and tell them everything about everything, Jared?" he asked, coldly, and Jared's smile wavered.  
"Well, we arrived riding on a motorbike, wearing matching suits and wedding rings...I think those hints would have given us away anyhow," he pointed out.  
"You can just invite them to come along if you like them so much," Jensen growled, and Jared leaned towards him.  
"Don't be grumpy, Jen," he started, but before he could reach Jensen across the table Jensen snapped his head back.  
"I'm not grumpy, Jared, I'm pissed off!" he exclaimed, slamming his fist on the table and making Jared flinch.  
"Stop being so fucking happy all the fucking time! Jesus Christ, you're annoying me to death and making me look just as stupid as you!"  
Jared's face fell.  
"Jensen..." he tried, obviously hurt, but Jensen was too far gone to care.  
"I'm sick of all this, I'm sick of your stories, your anecdotes, your chuckle and most of all I am fucking sick of hearing you talk!"  
Jared swallowed, his gaze shifting from side to side and his hands curled in his lap.  
"You don't know how to do anything but talk, and I can't stand it anymore," Jensen hissed. “Just fucking shut up for once in your goddamned life and give me a fucking break!"  
Jared's lower lip was trembling and he looked like he was on the verge of crying, which in turn only made Jensen's anger step up a notch.  
"Keep your mouth shut, Jared. Please." His voice sounded strained and frustrated, even to his own ears.  
Jared opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, without a sound, and Jensen gritted his teeth.  
"Don't," he warned, but Jared was already pushing the menu towards him.  
"They have blueberry pie, it's your favorite," he murmured, and that was the last straw.  
Jensen threw his coffee cup on the floor, weirdly pleased by Jared's gasp as it broke into pieces.  
"Shut the fuck up!" he snapped, stomping away and slamming the door on his way out.  
Jared was almost curled up on himself, his shoulders sagged as if he wanted to look smaller, and his expression was so lost that the waitress walked up to the table and put a hand on his arm.  
  
"You okay?" she asked, hesitantly, seeing Jared's watery eyes, but then the guy blinked and there was a smile on his face again.  
  
"I'm fine," he replied, cheerfully "We're just tired and a little stressed. Once we get to Canada everything will be okay."  
The waitress didn't seem convinced, so Jared kept going.  
"Jensen is introspective and private, he doesn't like for his life to be broadcasted and it's true that I talk too much," he admitted. "I have no filter, and I don't get that maybe he needs quiet and silence sometimes."  
The roaring engine of the bike made them both look outside the window, just as Jensen drove away from the gas station.  
"He can't wait to get to Canada," Jared said, but his voice was shaking. "He'll come back for me."  
The look the waitress gave him made it pretty clear that she thought Jared would have been better off if he didn't, but Jared didn't care.  
He had gotten used to that sort of looks years before.

 

  
Jensen only stopped when his fingers started to hurt for grabbing at the bike's handle too hard.  
He kicked the tire again, again and again until he fell on the ground, panting.  
He pulled at his hair and tried to get a grip, but it was not easy.  
The choice of marrying Jared had been pretty obvious: a drunken night, some fucking around and before he knew it he was out, both figuratively and literally, engaged to the only family of the town's police officer and ready to start serving time in a different kind of prison.  
Of course he was glad to be out of jail: he didn't like it in there, and even if no one had dared touching him after he had broken the dick of the first one who made a comment about his cocksucking lips, it didn't mean that they weren't going to find a way to get him alone at some point.  
Jared, on the other hand, was so whipped that he accepted Jensen's decision to not have sex until after they got married pretty easily, no questions asked, so at least that was out of the question.  
Jensen wasn't even sure he was actually gay, but after Jim found them naked in his backyard there was not much Jensen could do to deny he was at least interested in that department.  
Truth was, he didn't recognize Jared, that night.  
Maybe he was too drunk, maybe Jared had changed too much during the winter he spent at college in another state, but he was hot and available, and Jensen was horny.  
He hadn't stopped beating himself up over that yet.  
Of course, he didn't harbor any hard feeling for Jared anymore, not about that morning of almost 20 years before anyway, but he was still the last possible one Jensen should have been playing around with...and still, there he was, stuck with Jared for the rest of his life.  
His only alternative was to get to the border, lose Jared and bolt, to start anew somewhere else, and to do that Jensen had to put up with him until they got to the Falls.  
There was too much at stake for throwing it away for a prissy fit.  
"Dammit," he grumbled, getting on the bike once more and driving back to the gas station, not before having ripped away the ears and the tail from his helmet.  
He was teetering on a very thin line, no need to push it.

 

  
Jared's face lit up when he heard the engine, and he quickly grabbed his things scattered on the table.  
"Thank you for the company, Calmena," he said, kissing the waitress' cheek.  
"You two are gonna make it," she replied, with a smile. "I can feel it. There's a connection between you two, and even if Jensen can't see it yet, he will."  
Jared nodded and rushed outside, leaving a few worried gazes to follow the bike as it took them both away.

 

  
The side of the bike was all crooked, and Jared just stared at it, before lifting his questioning gaze.  
Jensen shrugged.  
"Come on, we gotta go see the goddamned waterfall, right? Let's get moving," he muttered in reply.  
Jared bit his lower lip.  
"Do you love me, Jensen?" he asked, in a whisper.  
"I married you, like all of you wanted, didn't I?" Jensen grumbled, but Jared shook his head.  
"Please, man," he insisted. "You never said it, not once. You do love me, don't you?"  
Jensen swallowed and looked away, without a word, and Jared closed his eyes for a moment.  
When he opened them again, there was a resolute light in them.  
"That's not what I really meant to ask you, anyway," he said, stubbornly ignoring how broken his voice sounded. "It just came out wrong. I mean, of course you don't, not yet. You will grow into it. Eventually. I know that-"  
"Just get on the bike, Jared," Jensen snapped, his jaw clenched.  
Jared nodded, his head hanging low, and snapped one more picture at the cafe before complying.

 

  
They were riding on an empty countryside road, the wind on their faces and Jared gripping at Jensen so tightly he had trouble breathing, but Jensen figured that he had been rude enough to Jared for one day, so he didn't say anything.  
At some point, Jared started playing with his wedding band, and a sudden bump on the road made it fall.  
"My ring! Jensen, I dropped my ring!" Jared exclaimed, and Jensen turned to look at him just as a truck came honking on the other lane.  
Everything happened really fast.  
Jensen pulled at the brakes and used all of his weight to shift the bike on the side, but couldn't avoid the trunk of a tree.  
The last he heard was Jared calling his name, frantically, and the last he saw was the sunlight shining through the leaves before everything faded to black.

 

  
When Jensen came to, every single bone of his body cried in protest.  
The right side of his face was pulsing painfully, and his suit was ruined, but all in all he had worse.  
"Jared?" he called, standing up on wobbly legs.  
When no reply came, he started walking around, calling and looking, until he saw him.  
Jared was lying face down in the grass, and he was not moving.  
Dread gnawed at Jensen's stomach, as he approached him as fast as his legs allowed him.  
"Hey," he murmured, grabbing Jared's shoulders and turning him "Jay?"  
There was blood all over the side of Jared's face, and his eyes were wide open, but no light was shining in them.  
Jared's neck was bent at an awkward angle, and when Jensen got closer to his face he couldn't feel his breath.  
He pulled Jared's head in his lap, smearing blood all over his white shirt, and shook him, hoping against his better judgment that Jared was going to wake up any minute.  
When it became clear that Jared was gone, Jensen dropped him as if he had burned and started running in the opposite direction, a litany of fuckfuckfuck playing in loop in his head.

 

  
There was a house in the middle of the field, and that's where Jensen ended up.  
The woman in there, who was wearing a nightgown, went pale when he stormed inside her kitchen.  
"Who are you?" she asked, warily, as she stepped back and looked for anything she could grab to protect herself.  
"A phone!" Jensen snapped, his gaze shifting like a caged animal.  
The woman's eyes went wide when he pulled at the lapels of his jacket.  
"You-you're covered in-"  
"Where's the fucking phone!" Jensen yelled, and she flinched, pointing at the living room.  
Jensen barely got through the emergency number before he hung up, shaking.  
"I killed him," he murmured, his arms wrapped around his torso "He's dead, and I killed him."  
"Please don't hurt me," the woman begged, on the verge of tears, but Jensen didn't even hear her.  
He slapped himself in the face, repeatedly.  
"I killed him! Oh, fuck!" he shouted, clenching his jaw and falling on his knees.  
"I-I don't...I won't say anything to anyone" the woman murmured, trying to reassure him, but Jensen was too far gone to notice.  
There was so much guilt, pain and regret curled up in his chest that there was only one thing left for him to do.  
He slammed his fist into the wall and broke into sobs.  
The woman stared at the back of his head, confused, before she finally managed to grab an iron hook from the wall next to the chimney and poked his side.  
"Just go," she demanded, throwing a leather wallet at him. "Take the money and go."  
Jensen lifted his red rimmed eyes, where the pupils were blown, and just stomped out, his fingers curled around the wallet but his mind lost in a different headspace.  
Jared was dead.  
He was not going to be in his life anymore.  
No more annoying bantering, no more deafening laughter, no more tender kisses.  
No more Jared.  
It took him way longer to get back to where the accident had happened than it had to run away from there, and even if he dreaded to, Jensen knew he had to man up and face the music.  
Wasn't this what he wanted?  
Now he could just get to Canada and move on, he didn't have to suffer through the whole trip.  
He didn't have the strength to pretend he was okay with any of it, though, not then and probably not ever.

 

  
Once he reached the spot, Jared's body was gone.  
Jensen stared at the blood seeping in the ground, and right where Jared was lying something sparkled.  
It was Jared's wedding band.  
Jensen picked it up, frowning in confusion, and then suddenly he heard the voice.  
"Tiger? Tiger, where are you?"  
He sounded worried and distraught, so Jensen forgot about his own state and ran towards the voice.  
He found Jared kneeling next to the river, trying to clean up a bit.  
"Finally!" he exclaimed when he saw Jensen approaching.  
"You okay?" Jensen asked, warily, and Jared offered him a weak smile.  
"Well, I'm here, but my head's a little hazy" he replied.  
His eyes looked still a little clouded, but he was standing in front of Jensen and Jensen was so not going to look in a gifted horse's mouth.  
"My neck hurts," Jared added, in a low, tiny voice that sounded so out of place. "But you can touch it."  
Jensen inspected the wound and it was still there, but weirdly enough it was half cured already and it wasn't bleeding anymore.  
"I thought I killed you," Jensen stated, shakily, and Jared just leaned against his chest.  
"We both look pretty bad, maybe we should go to the ER, get checked...that scratch on your cheek looks pretty deep."  
Jared tore a piece of his shirt away, dunked it in the river and then dabbed at Jensen's face with it, cleaning up the wound.  
"Why are you being so nice to me?" Jensen asked, unable to stop himself, and Jared worried expression softened.  
"Because I love you, you idiot" he replied. "What happened?" he inquired right after.  
Jensen shrugged.  
"We had an accident, and destroyed the bike. You don't remember?"  
Jared shook his head.  
"Not much. But you're shaking, Jen, maybe you should sit down."  
He stepped towards the river again, but Jensen grabbed his arm.  
"I thought you were gone," he said, without looking at Jared's eyes. "I thought our fight was going to be the last memory I was going to have of you, and I hated myself for it."  
Jared put his hand on Jensen's and squeezed.  
"I'm not going anywhere, except to Canada and the Niagara Falls with you," he murmured, before leaning in and kissing Jensen.  
Jared's lips were cold, and so was his body, but Jensen didn't care, as he kissed him back and pulled him impossibly closer, as if to share his own body warmth with him.  
Neither of them did anything to deepen the kiss, so they just stayed there for a while, grabbing at each other and sort of surprised at still being alive.

 

  
They walked back to the clearing where all their stuff had been abandoned after the wreck, slowly, and as Jensen picked up Jared's bag he couldn't help throwing a worried glance towards him.  
"You sure you're okay?" he inquired.  
Something was not right, but he really couldn't put his finger on it.  
Jared nodded,  
"The weird thing is that I don't remember anything past our wedding," he added, frowning as he kept kneading at his neck.  
"We got on the bike and then maybe stop, but...I'm not sure about it."  
Jensen swallowed, feeling like the worst scumbag on Earth at the relief flooding him.  
Jared had forgotten everything about their fight, about Jensen's assholish performance and about the pain he must have felt, and Jensen was so damn glad for it.  
Suddenly remembering, he grabbed Jared's hand and slid the wedding band on Jared's finger.  
"You found it!" Jared exclaimed, delighted, and gave Jensen such a happy smile that a little of his worries melted away with it.  
The bike was completely useless, so they resolved to walk up to wherever they could catch a ride.  
Jensen firmly refused to go ask for help at the house in the field, and stopped Jared just before he waved at a patrol car passing by.  
"I'm on parole, Jared! If they see us, we're fucked!"  
Jared had beat himself for an hour after that for almost blowing it and ruining their trip before it even had the chance to start, until finally a car stopped by and let them climb in.

 

  
Police officer Hemsworth scribbled some notes down on his pad, then turned his gaze up on the woman, still in her nightgown and still trembling in fear.  
"He didn't actually talk to anyone," she explained. "He just kept repeating again and again that he had killed him." She frowned. "He did seem pretty upset about it."  
Hemsworth hummed.  
"Anything peculiar, out of the ordinary that might help us identify him?"  
The woman thought about it for a moment.  
"He was wearing a tuxedo" she said in the end "and his dress shirt was drenched in some red, sticky liquid. I guess it was blood."  
Or ketchup, Hemsworth thought, but didn't voice it.  
"Did he say anything about who he killed?" he asked instead, and the woman shrugged.  
"Okay well. If anything happened around here, I'm sure we'll find some clues if we take a look," he stated, touching his hat and thanking the woman for her cooperation.

 

  
Not far from the house, his team found the site of an accident.  
A crooked bike, some bloodstained clothes and a ruined patch on the field, mostly.  
No dead body, at least.  
The bike's license plate was intact, though, so they run a check to see what they could get out of it.  
Hemsworth was pretty surprised about the development, and felt a little bad for treating the woman with such condescension.  
Amongst the remains of the bike, he found a folded paper, which at a closer examination came out to be a map of Canada.  
"Uh," was his only comment.

 

  
Night had fallen way too fast for Jensen's liking.  
Usually he'd have been all giddy and looking forward to it (it was his wedding night, and Jared was hot, after all) but things being as they were, he dreaded the moment they'd have to go to bed.  
He checked the content of the wallet the woman had thrown at him, finding a sweet amount of money and a couple IDs. Apparently, it belonged to the woman's husband.  
The water finally stopped running in the bathroom, but Jared was still not coming back.  
"You okay in there?" Jensen inquired, and Jared's cheerful voice replied he was going to be right out.  
Jensen sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, staring at the room phone for a long moment before pressing in Jim's office number.  
Man was a workaholic, so Jensen was sure he had to be working.  
To prove him right, Jim picked up on the second ring.  
"Jensen? Is something wrong?" he asked, probably unsettled by Jensen's tone, and Jensen tried to get out all the words jumbled in his head to explain Jim the feeling he was carrying around since the wreck.  
"It's Jared," he stuttered, in the end. "He's not...I mean, something's fucked up and I don't know what it is. He says he's good, but I can tell he's not."  
Jim paused.  
"What happened?"  
Jensen swallowed.  
"It doesn't matter. He says he wants to keep going, but I'm not sure we should."  
"Listen, man..."  
Right then, his sergeant knocked on his door and, without listening to Jim's barked _not now_ , he stated that sheriff Hemsworth from Ohio wanted to talk to him urgently about some robbery.  
Jim groaned.  
"Jensen, just tell Jared that if he's sick or whatever you better turn around and come home. The Falls are not going anywhere, and neither are you. Right?"  
The last word was low and edged, but Jensen barely registered it.  
He was so confused, tired and stressed that Jim's threats were the last of his worries.

 

  
"Get in bed, tiger, here I come," Jared purred, as he came out of the bathroom wearing only an open white shirt. "That hot shower really made me horny..."  
He stopped abruptly.  
Jensen was in bed, with his back turned towards him, and he looked already fast asleep.  
Jared sighed, and dropped the sexy act.  
Some part of him was even relieved: he did feel bone tired, like he could sleep for a week, and having sex was not really something he desperately wanted, but he figured Jensen would.  
Apparently, he had been wrong, and his almost husband was way more exhausted than Jared had anticipated.  
He stifled a yawn, and let the shirt fall on the floor, grabbing a pair of boxers from his suitcase and sliding them on before he got into bed.  
There and then, staring at Jensen's back, Jared made his decision: there was going to be no more whining or pouting, from him.  
They were in this together, and Jensen deserved to have fun just as much as Jared did, maybe more, considering he had a way less fortunate life than Jared up to that point.  
"I'm gonna make it up to you, Jen," he whispered, kissing the nape of Jensen's neck.  
  
Only once his breathing stabilized, showing he had fallen asleep, Jensen let himself relax.  
He was caught by surprise at the sudden urge to cradle Jared in his arms, pet his hair and reassure him, so he stomped on it until it was crushed somewhere in the back of his mind and he could finally fall asleep as well.

 


	2. Part Two: Nothing left to sell

  
The morning found Jensen staring at the ceiling, as the light crept slowly through the blinds.  
When he turned on his side, his stomach clenched painfully: Jared was there, unnaturally pale, and stone cold to the touch.  
He was lying on his back, and no matter how close Jensen got to his face, there was no doubt about it.  
Jared was not breathing.  
"Jay...?" he called out, voice shaky, but no reply came from him, so he bolted out of the bed, pulling at his hair and feeling sick and dirty.  
He had been sleeping with a _corpse_ , for fuck's sake!  
And at some point of the night, he distinctively recalled even considering...  
Throwing on a white wife beater and the first pair of jeans he could get his hands on, he pulled half the cash out of the wallet and left it on the bedside table, heading for the door, but he had just opened it when the room phone rang.  
 _Dammit, the wakeup call!_ he cringed inwardly, but Jared didn't move.  
And just like that, Jensen was angry.  
"Jared," he snapped. "Wake up." He grabbed Jared's arm and shook it, hard.  
"You gotta wake up now, man. Wake the fuck up already."  
  
He pulled at Jared's eyelids, only to be met with empty, lightless pupils, but that didn't stop him like the previous time.  
He knew Jared was in there, somewhere.  
"Jared!" he exclaimed and, like magic, Jared's eyes snapped open, alive again, and Jared sat up, choking slightly.  
"God, I can't breathe," he croaked. "I think I had a dream, but I can't remember..."  
He passed a palm to his forehead, suddenly covered in sweat, then his gaze stopped on Jensen.  
"You're all dressed," he pointed out, and Jensen scratched at the back of his neck, chuckling nervously.  
Jared offered him a small, shy smile.  
"Can I get a kiss this morning?" he asked, and Jensen hesitated before leaning in and brushing his lips on Jared's forehead.  
"That was a handshake, not a kiss!" Jared protested, throwing his pillow at him as Jensen hid in the bathroom.  
The day was definitely starting off better than the previous one.

 

  
They had lost their suitcase in the accident, so their first stop had to be the mall.  
As they were on the escalator and Jared went on and on about nothing in his cheerful chirpy voice, Jensen smoothed the back of his jacket and his hand came away with a lock of brown hair.  
He frowned, confused, and he was still staring at the hair clutched in his fingers when Jared asked him something.  
"What?" he asked, distractedly.  
Jared didn't get mad, though, he just shook his head.  
"Nothing, was just saying that we were meant to meet, sooner or later. Love is a mystery, but it's also so powerful, Jen. It's what keeps me going."  
Jensen wanted to ask further, because those words were too weird for it to be a simple coincidence, but Jared was already entering in a shop, so the topic was dropped.

 

  
Jared looked tired, but overall happy as they checked in at a different place.  
It was a hotel, way out of their budget, but Jared's wide eyes were so worth it.  
The honeymoon suite looked gorgeous, and the view was breathtaking.  
Jared squeed, snapping a picture after another, as the guy who accompanied them to the room wriggled his nose.  
"We better let some fresh air in here" he muttered, opening the windows as wide as they went.  
As soon as he had left, Jared sat on the huge bed, undoing the first button on his pants and spreading his legs.  
"Come on, Jen, you can do whatever you want," he offered, huskily. "I want you so much."  
Jensen felt his lunch revolving in his stomach and took a couple of unsteady steps towards the bathroom.  
"I gotta take a shower," he growled, and Jared arched an eyebrow.  
"Should I come with-"  
The door slamming behind Jensen was an answer clear enough.  
Jared felt hurt and rejected, but behind that there was the nagging feeling that something was not right.  
The proof was Jensen coming out of the bathroom and apologizing for leaving Jared hanging.  
"Why are you being so nice to me, Jen?" he inquired, and Jensen made a face.  
Yeah, he could have easily denied it, say something like _what are you talking about? I'm always nice_ , but that would have been like insulting Jared's intelligence.  
Even if he didn't remember what happened at the gas station, he knew perfectly well that Jensen was not the caring, loving type.  
"I do appreciate it," Jared added, in a rush "I just wanted to make sure there's nothing wrong."  
 _Of course there's something wrong, you're dead_ Jensen thought, but all he said, "It's nothing. You wouldn't believe me anyway."  
Jared looked like he was about to protest to that statement, but then he just shrugged, grabbed a robe and took Jensen's place in the bathroom. 

 

  
"I don't believe this!"  
Jared and Jensen both turned at the familiar voice, and were surprised to see Calmena, the waitress from the gas station, walking towards them on the sidewalk in front of the hotel.  
Jared smiled warmly at her.  
"I really hoped I'd see you guys again at some point" she said.  
"I thought you'd be safe and sound in Canada by now..."  
Jensen shrugged.  
"We hit a few bumps, but we'll be back on track by tomorrow at the latest."  
Calmena looked taken aback, but nodded nonetheless.  
"You still have time for a beer though, right?"  
Jared looked at Jensen with his pleading puppy eyes of doom and Jensen groaned, caving in.  
He didn't like the idea of taking Jared out amongst people, what with him being dead and the likes, but he didn't have the heart to deny him, either.

 

  
Once they were in the small, smoky bar on the corner, the smell became impossible to ignore.  
The people sitting close to them made weird faces and moved away, and even if Calmena's nose was apparently so used to bad smells after all the years she spent dealing with sweaty, dirty truckers that she didn't even notice, Jensen did.  
"Tiger, you're turning green," Jared pointed out, and leaned closer, trying to grab his wrist, but Jensen flinched away, covering his nose with his hand.  
Surprised by his reaction, Jared sniffed the air, frowning right after he did.  
"Do you smell this?" he said, annoyed, and Jensen glared at him.  
"Of course I do," he growled, and Jared arched an eyebrow.  
"What is it?"  
Jensen looked at him as if he had grown two heads.  
"It's you, you idiot!" he snarled, and Jared eyes went wide, as his cheek reddened.  
"Jensen Ross Ackles, how dare you? I don't _smell_!" he retorted, obviously offended, but all the fight was sucker punched out of him when he saw the expression on Jensen's face.  
He was not mocking him or being mean.  
He was being honest.  
Jared swallowed.  
"...do I?"  
Jensen could only nod and Jared, ashamed like never before, stood up to leave.  
Right as he was about to exit the door, he tried to brush a few hair off his shoulder, but came up with a whole lock.  
"What the hell is wrong with me?" he snapped, storming out, ignoring Jensen's voice calling him.  
Calmena crossed her arms on her chest and stared pointedly at Jensen, who just shrugged.  
"What was I supposed to do? Keep pretending that all is good and dandy? Not even he believes it, anymore."  
Calmena would have probably wanted to slap him, but couldn't.  
It was obvious that something wasn't right with Jared, even to her, and she just wished she could help either of them.

 

  
Sheriff Hemsworth entered his office rubbing his hands together.  
"He's been using the stolen credit card, we've tracked him. Let's go chop his balls off."  
"Hey, now," Jim tried to calm him down "I'm sure that won't be necessary."  
Hemsworth narrowed his eyes.  
"You do realize this little asshole was going on and on about killing someone, don't you? Probably was your beloved nephew," he hissed. "He's a thief and a killer, what else do you need?"  
Jim groaned.  
The situation was not really working for Jensen: they were facing a parole violation turned robbery, and he didn't even want to consider the chance he had really hurt Jared.  
Jim hated Jensen's guts and he had never thought he was good enough for Jared, but he didn't think the guy had it in him to kill someone.  
Besides, they talked the night before, and while Jensen sounded concerned he didn't sound like he was lying.  
"He's not capable of murder," he stated.  
"Yeah, he steals, but it's always little things. Didn't the woman say she practically forced the money on him? What did she expect him to do?"  
Jim sighed.  
"I know him well enough. He's not bad."  
"Is that why you let him jump parole?" sheriff Hemsworth retorted, and Jim clenched his jaw.  
"Judge me all you want, man, but it was their honeymoon, and if you knew Jared you'd understand why I accepted."  
A small, affectionate smile appeared on Jim's face.  
Somehow, Jared always got what he wanted, and Jensen had been the thing he had wanted the most since he discovered what his dick was even for.  
God, the love and adoration he had for him...filled Jim's heart with warmth.   
It always had.   
He could just hope it would get to Jensen's heart too, someday.  
Hemsworth shook his head and emptied an envelope on his desk.  
"This is what we found where they wrecked the bike" he explained, and Jim's eyes went wide when he saw the number of fake IDs that rolled out of it.  
"I'd say he was pretty prepared" Hemsworth added, and Jim grabbed a roll of cash.  
"This is their honeymoon money-"  
"They're not on a honeymoon!" Hemsworth exclaimed.  
"Don't you get it? They never were! It was all a ploy to cross the border!"  
Jim cringed inwardly, refusing to believe it, so Hemsworth squeezed his shoulder.  
"They're family of yours, I respect that. You can come with us if you want to, but remember: you're in my kingdom now."

 

  
"What happened to Jared?"  
They were at their third beer, and since she was buying the round, Calmena felt like she had the right to ask.  
Jensen snorted bitterly.  
"He's dead."  
Calmena blinked.  
Of all the answers she expected, this wasn't one of them.  
"I, uh. Well, it happens to me all the time," she tried. "If I don't sleep well then the day after I'm all grumpy and-"  
Jensen shook his head.  
"I didn't say _tired_. I said _dead_."  
He groaned and hid his face in his arms, crossed on the counter.  
"You can't smell it, but Jared is decaying. He smells like rotten meat, and his hair is just...he doesn't even _pretend_ to breathe anymore. But I don't think he has realized it yet, and I don't know how the fuck I'm supposed to tell him any of this."  
His voice cracks on the last few words, and for the first time Calmena feels a wave of sympathy for the guy.  
"It's only gonna get worse," he stated, hoarsely. "He'll end up falling apart, and he doesn't even _know_."  
Calmena just put a hand on Jensen's shoulder and squeezed, pretending she didn't see his eyes suspiciously shiny.  
"If there's anything I can do, you just have to say the word," she said, resolutely, and Jensen slowly lifted his gaze on her.  
"If you have a car, maybe there's something."

 

  
As soon as Jared was back in the hotel room, away from people and their looks, he took a deep breath, regretting it immediately when his lungs filled with that awful smell that Jensen had the nerve to say was coming from him.  
He got into the shower, scrubbing hard at his skin, and once he was done he sat on the tub and sniffed his own hand.  
His heart skipped a beat when he realized that yes, it was him the one who smelled like rotten eggs.  
Even under the spicy scent of his shower gel, he could still smell it.  
He tried to think about something else, anything else at all, as he rubbed at his hair with a towel, but when he pulled that away, there were more brown locks on the white sponge.  
That's when he started to panic.

 

  
The shrilling ring of the alarm echoed through the night, as Jensen stormed out of the backdoor with two huge tanks.  
Calmena was there, waiting for him with the engine on.  
"What is that?" she inquired, nodding at the tanks Jensen had shoved in the backseat, and Jensen shrugged.  
"Ten gallons of formaldehyde" he explained. "Should last us a couple of days, I figure."  
Calmena stared at him with her jaw dropped, like she wanted to say something, but in the end she just shook her head and put the car in reverse, tires screeching as they drove away.  
"What a rush," she muttered when they were already safe "I've never done anything like this."  
"You mean breaking the law? Yeah, at first you feel guilty, but then you get used to it," Jensen soothed her, patting her arm.  
As they passed in front of a hair salon, Jensen pointed at the window.  
"I need to get something there, too."

 

  
I know that you're probably gonna say it's none of my business, but...what are you planning to do, exactly?"  
Calmena's question tore Jensen out of his own thoughts, and he sighed.  
"I honestly don't know" he replied, in a low, tired tone. "I'm going to clean him up, and then I'll try to tell him the truth. If he hasn't figured it out himself already."  
Calmena nodded, her gaze shifting between Jensen's face and the road.  
"So the formaldehyde is to get rid of the smell?"  
Jensen nodded, without another word.  
"How do you intend to tell him?" she asked after a while.  
Jensen shrugged, looking lost and suddenly way too young for dealing with something like that.  
"No idea," he said, chuckling bitterly. "I'm used to Jared doing all the talking."

 

  
When he entered their room, it was pitch black, but Jensen somehow sensed that Jared was not sleeping.  
"I'm back," he called out in a low voice, just in case.  
He left the tanks next to the bathroom and, right after putting them down, he heard the sobs.  
"Jared?"   
He covered the distance between him and the bed in a couple of hurried steps, and found Jared wrapped in the bed sheet, sitting on the floor and curled up in a corner.  
When he saw Jensen approaching, Jared quickly took a pillow from the bed and pushed it in front of his face.  
"What's wrong, baby?" Jensen asked, softly, and the endearment surprised him probably more than Jared.  
He hadn't used it since that first, fateful night.  
He kneeled in front of Jared and pulled at the pillow, lightly, only obtaining that Jared's grasp on it got stronger.  
"Don't," Jared hissed. "Just don't."  
Jensen's hand found his knee, and he started rubbing circles in it, trying to calm Jared down.  
"It's okay, man, I promise. It's gonna be okay," he murmured, finally managing to get the pillow out of the way.  
"Don't look at me!" Jared yelled, his shoulders shaken by his sobs, as he hid his face in his hands, but Jensen had already seen.  
There was not a single hair left on Jared's head.  
His pale, naked skin was covered with a thin layer of sweat, and it was gleaming in the moonlight coming in through the curtains.  
Jensen expected as much, and still, when Jared looked up at him, his hazel eyes wide and watery and tears and snot running down his cheeks, he was still so stunningly beautiful that it took Jensen's breath away.  
"What's happening to me, Jensen?" Jared asked in a weak, broken voice, and this time Jensen didn't stop his instinct to wrap Jared in his arms.  
Jared grabbed Jensen shirt and hid his face in the crook of his neck, not even trying to contain his desperation anymore.  
"Everyone can see it, I know they can," he wheezed "But I don't understand! Help me, Jensen, please, I'm so scared."  
"I think you're dead," Jensen murmured against Jared's forehead, peppering every place he could reach with fleeting, light kisses, hoping they would somehow soothe Jared's pain.  
"That's not possible," Jared stuttered, gasping. "It can't be."  
Jensen's arms tightened around him.  
"It doesn't make sense, and it's the most fucking unfair thing ever," he growled. "But hey, we can fix it, okay? Don't worry."  
Jared kept crying and sobbing for a while, but in the end he started to calm down, helped by Jensen's tender voice and his hands caressing him.  
When it seemed he was not going to start again, Jensen untangled himself and helped him lie down on the bed.  
"I'll take care of you, Jared," he whispered.

 

  
The formaldehyde actually did its job.  
As soon as Jensen started bathing Jared with it, the smell receded, and by the time all of Jared's body had been treated it was completely gone.  
That didn't seem to help Jared's mood, though, so Jensen leaned towards the side of the bed and took the paper bag he brought from the hair salon.  
"Look what I've got for you" he announced, presenting Jared with it.  
Jared looked into it and snorted.  
"It's red, Jen" he objected, and Jensen shrugged, pulling out the floppy wig and putting it on.  
"How do I look?" he asked, wriggling his eyebrows, and despite the tear trails on his cheeks Jared snorted again.  
"As unattractive as you could ever look," he replied, and Jensen took the wig off, giving it to him.  
Jared's gaze shifted, until it stopped on his hands that were clutching at the synthetic hair.  
"I don't know what are we going to do, Jen" he said, shakily "but if you tell me I'll be okay, I'll believe you. Tell me I'm not really dead and we will get to see those falls, yeah?"  
Jensen smiled at him and nodded.  
"We can't stop, no matter what happens," Jared insisted, pulling at Jensen's arm.  
"Promise me."  
Jensen dropped the wet cloth and grabbed Jared's hand.  
"I promise, Jay," he stated, resolutely. "If it's the last thing I do, I'll take you there. We can make it."  
Jared's eyes were starting to fill with tears again, but when he grinned at Jensen it looked like his first real smile in days.  
Jensen had never realized how much he liked Jared's smile, before, and when he thought about never seeing it again, for a moment he felt like dying too.

 

  
Hemsworth and his team approached the hotel when the sun was just starting to appear, and none of them was in what we'd call a good mood.  
Jim kept thinking about Jared, and how much Jensen meant to him: Jared's days were planned around Jensen's parole meetings, and he'd stop by Jim's office hoping he'd see him even if only for a moment.  
Of course, he had tried to convince Jared to let it be, but his nephew had always been a stubborn ass, just like Jim himself.  
Even when he had seen the surveillance tapes proving he had been in the shop to steal, all Jared could talk about was how hot that sweater looked on Jensen.  
After that, he had to give up; there was no way he was ever going to stand in the way of something like that.  
"I don't know if you've tried to talk your nephew out of it," Hemsworth stated, slapping Jim's shoulder as if reading his thoughts. "But if it had been me, I'd have simply shot the guy."  
Jim was still blinking at him when one more car arrived and they got ready to go in.  
"Wait a minute," Jim said, grabbing Hemsworth's arm. "You said we were just going to bring Jensen in for questioning, right? No shooting or hurting anybody?"  
Hemsworth grinned.  
"Why don't you just stay here? You know, in case things get ugly and there's anything up there you'd be better off not seeing."  
Jim tried to protest, but Hemsworth simply ignored him and approached the reception desk.

 

  
Jensen got to the bathroom door, concerned.  
"You okay, Jay?" he inquired, and when the door opened, the Jared that came out was still smiling brightly.  
"Never better," he replied, twirling to show off both the new clothes they both the day before and the wig Jensen got for him.  
Jensen chuckled, as a little hope blossomed in his chest together with something warmer he didn't dare to give a name to, and he walked out on the terrace to light a cigarette on.  
That's when he saw the cops swarming the place.  
"Oh shit," he hissed, stepping back inside just as someone knocked at the door.  
"Bellman!" he said, but Jensen knew better, and grabbed Jared's arm before he could open, shushing him as he pulled him away.  
He grabbed both their bags and guided Jared out on the terrace.  
"We have to jump," he instructed, but Jared stepped back, shaking his head furiously.  
"No, Jen, no. I-I can't, I-"  
He took another step back, but Jensen stopped him.  
"I'm gonna need you to do something else, then," he said. "Don't worry, it's gonna be alright. I'll come back to get you before you notice I'm gone."  
Jared stared into Jensen's green eyes and saw, for the first time, only sincerity in there.  
He nodded.  
"Just tell me what I have to do," he said.

 

  
When Hemsworth and his men finally managed to enter the room, the scene they found was exactly what they expected: on the floor, in the middle of the room, the dead body of Jared Padalecki was lying on the floor.  
Hemsworth checked his pulse and shook his head, grimacing.  
"Stone cold," he stated. "Probably dead since back at the field. Send in the coroner."  
They took pictures of the room and Hemsworth narrowed his eyes at the human-shaped stain on the bed sheets.  
"That's formaldehyde" he said, growling "what a sick bastard."  
The paramedics got the body on the stretcher and in the elevator, as one of Hemsworth's men accompanied them, but suddenly the doors dinged open and Jensen appeared on the other side of the elevator, pulling the stretcher away from them.  
The policeman ran after him, and as soon as they've turned the corner he distinctively saw the dead body standing up, grabbing Jensen's hand and running away with him.  
The policeman even fired a couple of rounds, but without any luck.  
He was still standing there, with his eyes wide and his jaw dropped, when Hemsworth finally caught up with him.  
"There's no need to lie, man, you know? We all make mistakes. But the last time I saw him, he was dead. He couldn't breathe, let alone run."  
It was pretty obvious that no one was going to believe him, not then, not ever.

 

  
Jared huffed, his legs crossed as he sat in the backseat of Calmena's car as she drove them to safety.  
"I hate myself," he muttered. "Both the trip and the wedding were supposed to mean a new life for you, for us. No more running, no more being an outlaw, no more breaking the rules...and here I am, forcing you to do it all and more!"  
Jensen actually chuckled, at that.  
"Oh well, a little accusation for murder never killed anyone," he joked. "Especially if they can't find the body."  
Jared really didn't feel like laughing, though, so he just kept rummaging through his pictures, turning his back towards Jensen.  
"You know what? I really like my red hair," Jared said, suddenly, as he pulled at a lock of it as if to emphasize his point.  
"When mine grows up again, I think I'll bleach them to get this color."  
Jensen looked at him for a long moment, his heart swelling in his chest at Jared making an effort to keep acting normal, before noticing a hole in Jared's shirt.  
"Oh, dammit," Jared groaned, taking it off, and Jensen's eyes went wide when he realized what exactly caused the tear.  
On Jared's shoulder, from side to side, there was a hole.  
Probably one of the cop's bullets did hit the target, after all.  
"It's the rice!" Jared exclaimed, suddenly, putting the shirt back on quickly. "I knew it! We didn't throw it and it fucked everything up!"  
"Nothing is fucked up," Jensen said, calmly. "We're here, together, and that's all that matters."  
All of Jared's rage evaporated, and he sagged like a puppet whose strings had been cut.  
Jensen caressed his neck and shoulders, lulling him to sleep, and when his gaze met Calmena's he wasn't surprised at seeing her eyes a little shiny.

 

  
Truth was that Jensen wasn't cut out for the criminal life.  
He hated feeling like he was doing something wrong, he hated being on the run and most of all he hated knowing his hours were numbered.  
He was a man, not a kid or a teenager anymore, and if everything could have been explained as a rebel phase, symptom of his young age, that excuse didn't work anymore.  
He didn't sleep well, he always felt out of place and too constricted in his own skin.  
When Calmena walked up to him where he was putting up the tent, he pretended not to notice the dark smudges under her eyes.  
"Don't throw the towel in now," he muttered, without even looking at her. "Please. Get us to the border. If you do that, you can forgive everything about us, afterwards."  
Calmena let out a deep sigh.  
"I know I'm no good," Jensen continued, standing up and finally lifting his eyes. "Not for you and especially not for Jared. But you don't have to do it for me. You gotta do it for him."  
Calmena arched an eyebrow, studying him speculatively, then walked away, towards the woods, where Jared had disappeared as soon as they had gotten out of the car.  
She found him picking up wood here and there for the fire, and when he saw her he simply stopped and dropped on a large rock.  
"How long have you and Jensen known each other?" she asked, sitting next to him.  
Jared's thin lips stretched in a small smile.  
"All our lives," he replied.  
Calmena nodded.  
"And you didn't get tired of him yet?" she inquired further. "Because I'm telling you, with his attitude I'd have been long gone, by now."  
Jared shrugged.  
"Yeah, well," he murmured. "I'm not ready to leave him, yet. I don't think I'll ever be."  
"And still, you're gonna have to at some point," Calmena said, not liking the way Jared's back stiffened but feeling like she had to put it out there.  
"That point isn't now," Jared stated, resolutely, as he stood up.  
"Jared, wait!" Calmena exclaimed, grabbing his arm to stop him from leaving. "That’s now what I meant, I-I'm sorry."  
Jared nodded, curtly, but his gaze told a different story.  
"Listen," Calmena tried, desperately wanting to get that expression off of Jared's face. "How about we make a run to town and fix you a little?"

 

  
"Jensen!" Jared ran towards him, his fingers curled so tight around the newspaper he was holding his knuckles had gone white. "Look!"  
Jensen grabbed the pages from Jared's grasp, and all the color left his face.  
There it was, his jail picture, under the title _killer on the run_.  
"Why would they say that?" Jared exclaimed, shakily. "You're not a killer! You could never hurt anyone!"  
Jensen swallowed, and looked away.  
No matter if it had been an accident, he did kill Jared.  
Dread settled in the pit of his stomach, and he felt like he was gonna be sick.  
"We gotta get out of here," he muttered, but Jared stepped closer.  
"And what's gonna happen, after that?" he murmured.  
"How are you gonna go back home?"  
Jensen shook his head.  
"I have no home," he replied, drily.  
Jared bit his lower lip and stepped back.  
"Okay," he said, before walking away.  
Only then Jensen noticed he had a new shirt and a pair of pants he had never seen before.

 

  
"Just to the Falls," Jensen pleaded, not caring about how desperate he sounded.  
Calmena flinched. "Please?"  
She walked up to the car, and Jensen followed her.  
"If you want me to beg, get down on my knees..." he kept going, but she lifted a hand, turning the music on.  
The soft sound of a piano playing started echoing in the silent air of the clear.  
"I want you to go ask your husband to dance," she replied.  
Jensen frowned.  
"I don't dance."  
Calmena turned abruptly.  
"You telling me you've never danced with Jared? Not even at your wedding?"  
Jensen shrugged, uncomfortable under her scrutiny, and could see her jaw clench.  
"He can't wait forever, man," she said. "And he's not looking so good lately. This might be your only chance."  
"He's still alive," Jensen retorted, a little more forcefully than he intended. "He's still with me."  
Then he turned and saw Jared, his back against a tree and his head hanging low, and felt some sort of weird pull, right in the guts, asking him to walk up to him and make it all better.  
For the first time, he realized that underneath the annoyance and the anger, that feeling had always been there, somehow.  
"I've been so stupid," he murmured, covering the distance between us in a few, hurried steps.  
Jared's face lightened up when Jensen offered him his hand, and he let himself be pulled against Jensen's chest, as they started swaying slowly to the tune.  
"What did I tell you?" Jared murmured, his breath warm against Jensen's neck. "You can dance just fine."  
Jensen snorted.  
"Well everyone would be watching you, not me, anyway," he retorted.  
Jared smiled at that, a real, warm, tender smile that took Jensen's breath away and he couldn't help staring at the way Jared's dimples brightened up his expression.  
Dead, alive or in between, Jared was so beautiful it hurts.  
"What's wrong?" Jared asked, worriedly, but Jensen just shook his head and smiled back.  
"Absolutely nothing," he replied. "Everything is good."  
And the thing was, he meant it; when Jared leaned in, almost shyly, Jensen could help meeting him halfway, his mouth warm and wet against his.  
Jared tasted like home, like the only promise Jensen had managed to somehow keep, and for a perfect moment Jensen let himself believe that maybe they were going to be just fine.

 

  
The moment ended when Jensen grabbed Jared's hand, a little too forcefully, and a sickening _crack_ could be heard.  
Jared froze against Jensen, pushing them away after a second, and they both stared at his ring finger, bent in an unnatural position.  
Jared's eyes filled with tears, and he ran away.  
"Jared, please, wait!" Jensen shouted, and went after him. "Come back, man!"  
"I'm dead!" Jared yelled, without stopping. "It's true, I'm dead! Till death do us part, remember?! What the fuck are you still doing with me?!"  
He tripped and fell, but didn't stand up again.  
He just curled on himself, his body shaken with sobs.  
"Leave me alone," he hiccupped. "Just let me die."  
Jensen dropped on his knees right next to him and grabbed his hand, putting his finger back in the right position and then kissing it, reverently.  
"I can't do that," he replied, firmly. "Don't ask me to let you go, I can't. You're still my husband, you'll always be."  
Before Jared could answer, a flashlight was pointed at them, and a loud voice ordered him to put his hands up.  
"Now, sir!"  
Jensen stepped away from Jared, who was still shaking, and lifted his arms, as his head worked frantically trying to find a way out, but there was none.  
The forest officer had a gun on him and looked ready to use it if he didn't cooperate.  
He stood up, slowly, but before the man could get any closer to him, there was a metal sound and he fell to the ground.  
Behind him, stood Calmena, slightly panting, still holding a huge frying pan.  
"Get out of here," she said. "Take the car."  
Jensen opened his mouth to protest, but Calmena narrowed her eyes.  
"Just go, Jensen. Take him away from here, I'll take care of the rest."  
She looked at Jared, sprawled on the ground, unmoving.  
"Looks like he's not breathing," she pointed out. "How do you know he'll wake up?"  
Jensen carded his fingers through Jared's hair.  
"I don't," he answered in a weak, low voice. "I just hope he does."

 

  
"So, what is he? A ghost?"  
Jensen shrugged, arranging Jared's body in the backseat and then popping his back.  
Damn Sasquatch.  
"I don't know, but I don't believe in supernatural crap," he said. "Actually, I don't believe in anything, not even in myself. Jared believes enough for both of us. No idea why, but he always has, since when we were kids." He snorted. "I never knew how to deal with it, you know? No one's ever believed in me before. Or after."  
"Maybe it wasn't enough, but it could have been a start," Calmena said. "You should have learned from him."  
Jensen nodded.  
"How can we ever thank you?" he asked, after a few moments, and Calmena smiled.  
"Don't fuck this up."

 

  
The morning after, when Jensen pulled the car over and parked in front of the entrance to the Niagara Falls, Jared coughed and sat up, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes.  
Jensen felt like a weight he didn't even know he was carrying had just lifted from his chest.  
"We're here!" Jared exclaimed, clapping his hands excitedly and snapping a picture to the board welcoming them to the falls.  
They didn't talk much once they were in, too caught up in wonder and amazement at the nature's miracle they were witnessing.  
"I knew they were gonna be big, but... _jeez_ ," Jared muttered, and Jensen chuckled.  
"You're just a big baby," he teased, just because when he did, Jared pouted and seriously, how adorable could that be?

 

  
"They probably just got here," the police officer said, writing down the license plates of the car.  
"If anyone starts shooting before I get there, heads will roll," Hemsworth barked in the walkie, and the police officer cringed.  
"Ten four, sir."  
"He's not stupid enough to cross on foot," Hemsworth growled. "But it's still like looking for a damn pin in a damn haystack. Keep an eye out, ya hear?"

 

  
"Okay, Jay, this is your big trip!" Jensen stated, sitting next to Jared on a bench.  
"What do you want to do?"  
Jared sighed, then smiled sadly.  
"Let's just do what you came here to do, Jensen," he said.  
When Jensen frowned in confusion, Jared looked away.  
"You know, when I said I had forgotten things, I lied," he continued. "Well, not really lying, more like...pretending. I thought that maybe if I didn't remember, we'd both forget, you know? But it didn't work like that, and along the way the trip finally made sense."  
Jared bit his lower lip, clenching his fists in his lap.  
"Once I think about how you feel about me, about what you said at the truck stop, I-"  
Jensen shook his head.  
"Being dead doesn't make you right, Jay," he said, softly. "You don't know jack squat about how I feel about you, because I've never told you."  
Jared opened his mouth, probably to inquire further, but Jensen just stood up.  
"Let's just take the stupid boat ride, man, I didn't drive across the country just to sit and mope."  
It looked like Jared was going to protest, but then he lowered his head and followed him, his expression guarded.  
Jensen couldn't really blame him for not believing him, of course, but he was going to prove him he meant every word.

 

  
Jared bounced in excitement as the boat crossed the bay and took them right under the falls, and Jensen pulled him flushed against his side, laughing at the water on his face.  
He looked so impossibly young, like that, no more worry marring his expression but genuine amusement.  
That was the Jensen he wanted to remember.  
"I'm ready now," he murmured, and Jensen stepped closer.  
"Ready for what?"  
Jared's gaze shifted, unable to convey what he wanted to, so he just leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips.  
"I love you," he said.  
Jensen smiled at him, grabbed his camera, snapped a picture of Jared and then turned to ask a guy to take a picture of them.  
When he turned back, Jared was not standing there anymore.

 

  
Jensen searched for him everywhere.  
He called, he asked they dragged the water, he ran around with the last picture he took asking everyone he crossed if they had seen him.  
No luck, it was just as Jared had disappeared into thin air.  
After hours spent like that, he stopped to catch his breath, and that's when he noticed the Canadian flag waving in the breeze, marking the border.  
 _Let's just do what you came here to do, Jensen._  
He looked back at the water, then at the picture in his hands and finally at the flag one more time.  
That was what Jared wanted.  
He nodded to himself and, after putting his hat on to try and hide his face, he started walking towards the border.

 

  
"Jensen!"  
Jensen turned abruptly, and was very surprised to see Jim walking towards him.  
He couldn't say anything though, because the man was on him in a second, slamming him against the side of the bridge.  
"You son of a bitch, what did you do to him?" he hissed in Jensen's ear as he pulled out his handcuffs.  
"I didn't do anything to Jared!" Jensen exclaimed. "Fuck, Jim, I loved Jared!"  
Jim froze at those words, and so did Jensen.  
He never said them out loud, he never even thought them before, but now that they were hanging in the air he realized it was true.  
He loved Jared.  
He probably always had, unknowingly.  
Jim was about to punch him, when he noticed the picture Jensen was holding in his hand.  
That was Jared, alive and well, at the Falls.  
Which meant he couldn't have been dead like Hemsworth said.  
"Trust me, Jim," Jensen murmured. "Please, trust me. I'd never hurt him. I need him."  
Jim's gaze shifted and he looked torn, before he took a deep sigh.  
"I might be a law man, but sometimes you have to take the law in your own hands" he growled, cocking his gun and pushing it into Jensen's hand.  
When he nods, his eyes kinder than they have ever been, Jensen turn him and puts the gun against his neck.  
"Get back or I'll shoot him!" he yelled, and Hemsworth, who had started approaching them with their man as soon as he had seen Jim grabbing Jensen, stopped abruptly.  
"Beaver, you are such an idiot," he growled. "Ackles, shoot him, please."  
Jensen blinked, confused by the man's reaction, and pushed Jim away, ready to run, but Hemsworth was faster.  
Suddenly Jensen felt a sharp pain on the side, and fell on his knees.  
He could see Jim running towards him, and right before everything faded to black, his last thought was _if I could go back, I'd tell him I love him._

 

  
"Jensen!"  
The slap on his cheek made Jensen's eyes snap open.  
Jim was staring down at him with his usual stern, disapproving look.  
"You are such a girl," he muttered. "You hit your head and you passed out. What a disgrace."  
Jensen blinked, and finally focused on his surroundings.  
He was lying on the floor of Jim's office, and Jim was wearing a tuxedo.  
...wait a minute.  
"Every marriage has problems," Jim was hissing. "And if yours happens to have them in the first couple of hours instead of the first couple of years, well. I'm sure you're gonna work through it."  
Jensen's jaw dropped.  
"Is this...is it our wedding night?" he stuttered, even if he already knew the answer.  
Jim cradled the hand he had used to hit Jensen in the other and glared at him.  
"What are you, drunk already?" he snapped, but Jensen's heart was filling with joy and hope and he really didn't care about how pissed Jim was.  
He was gonna make it up to the man, at some point.  
He sat up and hugged him, and Jim was so surprised he didn't react.  
"Thank you, Jim," he said, his voice cracking slightly with disbelief. "No, really, thank you. I can't even-I'm sorry I've been such an ass. Things are gonna change, starting now."  
Jim looked torn between desperately wanting to believe him and expecting him to bolt any minute.  
"If this is some sort of game you're playing to get out of your duties, let me tell you it's not gonna work," he muttered.  
"If you don't follow up, you go straight back to prison. It will be your third time, and you'll never come out again. Think about it."  
Jensen smiled at him, as he scrambled up.  
"No prison for me, ever again," he stated, before brushing some dust away from his pants and ran out of the office, leaving a puzzled Jim in his wake.

 

  
Jared was sitting on his own in a corner of the backyard, while the rest of the guests were laughing and dancing.  
"Hey," Jensen called out softly, and Jared lifted his head up, almost surprised to see him.  
"Why did you come back?" he asked. "I thought you had left without me."  
Jensen shook his head, and grabbed Jared's hands.  
"I couldn't," he replied, way too serious for the conversation they were having. "I love you, Jared. I'm the worst possible choice for a husband, and I'll probably suck at it, but if you'll have me I don't want to spend another day away from you."  
Jared's expression was guarded, but Jensen tightened his hold on his hands and rubbed his thumb against the ring.  
"I love you," he repeated, staring straight in Jared's eyes, and he could see them lighten up, until there was no trace of sadness or doubt in there.  
"Till death do us part?" Jared inquired, half-joking, but Jensen shook his head, as a piano started playing in the background.  
"Longer than that," he murmured, grabbing Jared's hand and leading him to the dance floor. "Way longer than that."  
  
END

**Author's Note:**

>  **Not Coming Down From:**  [bed](http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Bed)  
>  **Clawed Chained Heart:**  cheerful  
>  **Under The Spell Of:** P!ATD "the ballad of Mona Lisa"


End file.
